pitifuL

Im not perfect but a perfectionist.
No one can see that.
I need to get straight As.
Coz I have no talent and am not pretty.
All they see in me is a smart arse girl.

They Think Im Studying Hard.
But Im not.
Took out the books.
But i fall asleep just studying two pages of it.
Someone else might be studying hard when im asleep.
I only study at night.
Last minute.
Somehow i manage to pass with flying colours.
Its not magic.Its the only way i survive.

They think im kind and innocent.
But im not.
yes,i help people.
but helping people benefits me.
I do wrong stuff.
Its not like dreamed i wanted to be kiss by a guy.
I lied.
I always wonder how its like to get kissed.
In my religion,im not allowed to get kissed till i get married.
But i kept on wondering in my dirty little mind.
I do right stuff.
But inside, i wish i was a rebel.

i wish to be those pretty girls.
Giggling while guys just stare at them.
i envy them.
I kept saying guys love them for their looks.
That's not true love i always say to make myself feel better.
But like as if i have a true love.

i love someone.
But he never notices.
He always teases and so-called flirts with me.
I know deep within he likes me.
But it confuses me when he never even do my favours.
i hate that i love him so.
Coz he is only breaking my heart.

I try my best in what i do.
i want to be a all rounder.
good in sports and studies.
Thats the reason why i chose floorball.
Its a torture but i bear it.
i take responsibilities with my choices.
im not the best floorball player.
but at least im not the worst.

I have friends.
Many of them.
both girls and boys.
i love them.
i thought i was a loner.
but my friends make me feel i belong.
belong where?
dont know.dont care.
best friends forever but how come..
the word 'end' is in the word 'friend'?
i don't care.I love my friends even
though friendships may not last but
i believe they will.

i have a family.
Not a perfect one but a happy one.
Im quite lucky coz im born in a middle class family.
So we dont have problems when it comes to money.
a fine HDB flat and a fine car.Im grateful.
two cute cats.
they're my companion at home when
im alone.

im not a forever-happy-bubbly girl.
though im smiling almost every time.
im laughing.yes.but my mind is drifting.
to the sad moments and memories.
but i'll never show.

questions marks are all over me.
who am i gonna be?
what's my future like?

Broken-hearted but no one can see its shattered pieces.
never wanted to let him know how i feel.
coz i bet he'll avoid me.
i rather stay off coz im gonna get scolded for hvaing
a boyfriend.But no one can stop a girl from falling in love.
No one can stop me from dreaming.

im an average girl.
living in a normal boring life.
I wish i could play a piano or a guitar.
or become a singer.
but it just wont happen.
its just me and my boring life.
But i believe everyone is special.
Im special in my own ways.
My life is extraordinary in my own ways.
Who cares if its boringly extraordinary.this is my own life and story.
Im the one who's gonna end it.
so whatever u do,love me for me.
NOT for something else.