All worned out

Im tired from school
im so stressed
yet so relaxed.
im procrastinating
always.
Im supposed to study for home econs and
promised to play comp for 1 hr but im 10mins late.
i still dont give a damn.
i'll study later.
i cant be bothered yet im worried sick if
im going to fail if i never study.
lately,i've gone crazy.
maybe because of school and exams.
Maybe,i wont be the first one anymore
but i dont care.
i've changed.
maybe.
i never was so obsessed of how i look
but now i am.
im FAT.
i cant stand it.
somehow i have to be confident about myself.
i dont understand why do people come in different sizes.
Cant there be one?
Im so sick of myself.
I dont know why.
Life is killing me.
slowly and gradually.
Im haunted by my own thoughts.
with all those 'what ifs..'
I keep looking at myself
at the mirror..
criticizing the way i look
while praising how beautiful
other people are.
Maybe i should be anorexic.
I'll suffer but I'll be thin.
I'll be happy to not eat.
Somehow,something tells
me NOT to become
an anorexic.
Something is telling me its not worth it.
I'll never be pretty.
At least i have confidence,I HOPE.
I suck.I simply suck.
Maybe,im lost.
No one loves me.
except for my friends and family.
One drowning soul
seeking for love.
THOSE COUPLES are making me SICK.
maybe envy is taking over me.
insecure.jealous.uncertain.
THAT'S ME.
so fragile.
im about to break
and no one is there to prevent it.
Im all dented.
I lost myself.
I cant find myself.
NO maps to guide me.
I need hope.
those lights are fading.
everything is going black.
my problems are drowning me.
I cant seem to find something to hold onto.

maybe i have hope.
i haev to keep on searching.

After all,
I lost myself
but im not gone.